America's interest in soccer a sign of moral decay, support of socialism

This is so obviously true and sound that I just know everyone here will line up to defend it. :rolleyes:

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I’ve held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay.

Interestingly I sat through a baseball game the other night that was well over three hours long. Twice the length of any soccer game. Does that mean I'm doubly immoral?

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(1) Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls -- all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

Interesting. This fails logic in both directions. That's like getting a math problem wrong while also declaring math to be the product of Satan. She's wrong that there is no individual glory in Soccer and wrong that any TEAM sport is utterly reliant on such. Soccer very much does have great individual plays. A break away that results in a shot and goal are often one player doing something amazing. But by the same token all TEAM sports are reliant on that thing called a team. Can a quarterback make an amazing throw with no offensive line to protect him? Can that slam dunk be thrown down if the other players haven't goaded defenders out of position?

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In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

So I guess Teeball is just straight communism then.

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Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

So....she admits to never watching the sport, clearly has no idea how it is played but does know that it is just wrong. Heck, I've never watched an episode of True Blood. Therefore I declare it to be a boring show about a hemophiliac depressed goth kid and just bask in my ignorance.

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(2) Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

Ooh, so we get sexism in there too! This is like troll BINGO.

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(3) No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored. Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties -- and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

Actually in American Football scoring is so hard that numerous rules had to be put into place to keep defenders from defending. In soccer rules are put in place to limit offense.

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(5) You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

Okay....so does the need to dribble the basketball also offend God?

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(6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton.

People demand that we love Girls? Really? Okay, I'll believe you. I just presumed that HBO ceases to exist whenever Game Of Thrones or True Detective aren't playing.

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(7) It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

She seems to care an awful lot what the Times thinks of things. I wonder why?



As for it being foreign.....who cares?

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(8) Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

The metric system is now a liberal cause? Shouldn't it be the cause of anyone that likes measuring systems that make sense and are divisible by ten?

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If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

Interesting. My great grandfather was born in Minnesota and yet today I watched a missed call by a referee cost the USA team a likely scoring chance. I guess I don't really exist.

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COPYRIGHT 2014 ANN COULTER

Well there's your problem!





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